Broken
by Jakob the Girl
Summary: Winifred (female SS) sets out to find her son. Just how much will the old world haunt her? Will she ever be able to move on and find some sort of peace? FSS/Danse pairing eventually. I like to build tension. Rated M for, latter reasons, and cussing. Lots of cussing.
1. Prologue

_[Disclaimer; I don't think this needs saying, but just incase Bathesda gets a stick up their ass, I do not own Fallout or affiliated materials in any way shape or form. I am mearly borrowing them for my own amusement.]_

 _[Summery; Female main's story line, with a few creative turns taken here and there. Eventual Danse romance, but it needs to get there first. SPOILER WARNING! If you have not finished the main game, or Brotherhood of Steal story line, this will ruin it for you. Consider yourself warned. I hope you all enjoy, no flames please, constructive criticism welcome.]_

War... War never changes. Or so Nick would tell me. He said the weapons and faces change; the world around you and even the reason your fighting. But war... war never changes. It just changes everything around it.

I don't think I believed him then. I don't think I understood what he meant, or was trying to say. They where just words. Scary words, but words like any others. It wasn't until I stepped into that vault did I begin to understand. And only then, far to late to save my family.

I dream about them every night. My husband clutching our young son. Refusing to let go... fighting to keep Shaun safe... while I watched, and waited... unable to do anything but scream and pound on the glass. I hear that gun shot, that gravel voiced male with the scar, and the countdown once more.

You think you'd dream in a cryo sleep like that. An uncountable amount of time, ticking slowly by. But there where no dreams. No way to know when one day came and another went. Just one moment awake, the next freezing, and then... nothing. Until you wake up once more, to stumble from your prison and find that nothing is the same.

War... War never changes. Just the world.


	2. Chapter 1

_[Disclaimer; I don't think this needs saying, but just in case Bathesda gets a stick up their ass, I do not own Fallout or affiliated materials in any way shape or form. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement.]_

"General!" Garvey yelled, running down the broken pavement that had once been my street. I didn't want to answer him, but knew better then to ignore the man. He was a virtual boyscout when it came to the world. Do the right thing, and always the right thing, that was his motto. Well, that and "for the Minuet Men!"

"General!" he called once again, before coming to a stop on the street just below me. I was working with Sturges to patch a few holes in my old house, and was currently seated on a rickety weather vein, trying to keep my balance.

"What's up Preston?" I asked not turning my head from my task. If another settlement was getting overwhelmed with ghouls a few other members of my Minuet Men could handle it. The General shouldn't have to see to every matter personally. Besides, my old neighborhood was in the final stages of looking like a proper settlement. And with the aid of all the other settlements pledged to the Minutemen it wouldn't be long before we had a city to rival what Quincy used to be. Or so I'm told.

"Signal from the castle," he replied, obviously out of breath from his sprint. "Several men from the Brotherhood of Steal had shown up there and had been demanding an audience with the person in charge."

I don't think my head's ever whipped around so quickly in my life. I met members of the Brotherhood only once before, a Paladin by the name of Danse and his team pinned by waves of ghouls. After helping them survive, I helped them pick up this tech they needed before walking away from them. They had wanted me to join their group, but had already promised my help the Preston and the Minutemen. From what little I remember from the encounter, I knew that a) that Paladin, Danse I think his name was, was really sexy out of his armor, and b) their hatred of non-humans was going to be an issue for me. I had figured that as long as I stayed out of their way they would stay out of mine.

"What, why?" I asked at once, dropping down from the roof to speak face to face with my second in command.

"They wont say. They just keep asking to see the person in charge." I cussed under my breath for a moment, rubbing the back of my neck, "Last I heard they where heading this way in one of their Vertabirds and will probably be here within the next few minuets."

"What idiot told them about Sanctuary?" I all but screamed, throwing aside my front door to fetch my weapons. I may not believe in killing things without reason, but my year out in the Commonwealth taught me it's always best to have your gun at the ready, just in case.

"Should I send up a flare?" Garvey asked, hot on my heels as I rounded the corner to head for my make-shift gun vault next to the room I could not bring myself to enter. My son was ripped from my husband's arms after they killed him, and despite getting to murder the son of bitch that did it, I was making little progress in the quest to find my son. The memories we have pulled from that rotting corpse had been almost no help, and until I knew where in the Glow to start looking, wondering threw that nuclear impact zone sounded like a bad idea.

"Better safe then sorry," I replied, holstering the first gun I ever found onto my hip, modified and improved of course, before pulling my favorite shotgun into my hands. I shoved as much ammo as I could into my various pockets and kicked the lid to my trunk closed. "Also, get several men into that power armor I scavenged. I think we have nine sets in total. Not as impressive as the army of metal men the Brotherhood has, but if we're lucky, they just want to talk," I added, leading the older male back outside what remained of my once happy home.

"And if we're not lucky?" asked Sturges as Garvey saluted and ran off to dish out my orders.

"Just hope we are Sturges," I said, giving the man the best comforting smile I could manage patting him on the shoulder as I walked passed.

The Brotherhood wasn't known to poke its nose in my business, but they had been getting steadily more and more active since coming into the neighborhood. To say I wasn't worried would be a lie. Next to the Institute, the Brotherhood was one of my single greatest concerns out there. I didn't know what they wanted or even what they where doing hovering over, what was once Boston airport. I'd even heard, threw the grape vine, that the Paladin I met before cleared a super mutant bunker and the metal men where now sitting on a large pile of mini-nukes.

Just as the flare went up one of the perimeter guards called for my attention, and surely enough, a metal flying machine was slowly gliding towards us. A veraibird, I think Nate had called them. I myself had never seen one apart from the wreckage strew about here and there, remminents of the old world, or failed brotherhood missions scattering the wastes.

It was shinny, and made a slight whooshing sound as it's propellers sliced the air to keep it up. As it drew near the sound grew louder, making everyone nervous. A group of Minutemen from the south came rushing up to me, still damp from crossing the river, "From Abernathy Farm?" I called once they where near enough. The man leading them replied in the affirmative, "Good, get these non-combatants out of here. Lead them to the farm."

"Won't you need the back-up?" one of the younger men in the group of five asked. He was young, and obviously new to the minutemen.

"We have dozens of settlements, and many more men on the way. Just make sure these people get out of here safely. If it comes down to a fire fight I would rather have the innocents out of the way."

Other then the young man, all the rest just nodded and began calling for people to follow them. He stayed behind for a moment, giving me this odd look I wasn't used to seeing on my men's faces, before following his companions and obeying my command. Sure, I'm a very informal General, I don't have a lot of strict rules for people to follow, but when I say jump, I am used to the "how high?" response.

Shaking the young man's face from my mind, I jogged down the street to the small wood bridge that served as the main entrance to Sanctuary. Apparently the brotherhood was smart enough to know that this hole situation could go south, quickly, and where landing their Vertabird at the old red-rocket station. I really hoped none of them knew how to pick locks cause they would find a few a my choice goodies hidden around that old coolant station if they got to curious. I would rather keep my own personal stash of mini-nukes to myself.

In a prosession that could be best captured in an old holo-vid the Brotherhood made their slow, steady way across the wood bridge. One man, not in power armor in the lead with two men in armor to his left and right. Half a dozen or so men stayed behind with their ship, apparently also ready for shit to hit the fan.

Once in ear shot, and turret range, I called out, "Welcome to Sanctuary."

The man I assumed was in charge came a few paces closer, before coming to a parade rest, hands clasped behind his back as he eyed the settlement from one end to the other, eyes sticking to my fancy mortar for a few extra seconds. "I'm looking for the General," he said at last, not bothering to look at me, but at Garvey, whom had just jogged up next to me, laser musket in hand. Apparently the loud mouth red-head being he leader had never crossed his mind as a possibility.

Preston looked over at me and then back to the angry looking male exuding authority, "And here she is."

The man not in power armor slammed his eyes to mine like he was being told a lie. "Her?"

One of the figures in power armor spoke to quietly to catch, drawing only his leader's attention, before earning a nod in return.

"I know, the whole, having a vagina thing, dose tend to threw men off," was my hostile reply. How dare he think less of me for my gender! I united the people of the commonwealth under a single banner to combat the threats that now roam former Boston. He best recognize.

"I apologize," the man not in armor said, his tone telling me he hadn't really meant his words. "I'm Elder Maxom, currently in command of the Prydwn and the members of the Botherhood of Steal currently in the commenwealth. You're the... General of the Minuetmen?"

I swear my eyebrow visibly twitched at the way he said General, "Yes, tits and all. What can I do for you?"

"If we could, speak privately," he said, eying my men, slowly emerging from the buildings in small groups, making it look like they had been there the whole time. It was the one advantage to having holey shelters. Only the closest men from the nearest settlements had made it so far, but more where on their way. And a heck of a lot more then this Elder is likely expecting.

"I don't do secrets," was what I told him, spreading my legs slightly, to both make it look like I was getting comfortable and making sure I was able to run at a moments notice, tightening the grip on my shotgun. "Say what you've come to say."

The Elder eyed me, obviously annoyed with my attitude, before dropping his hands to his side. Apparently this was some sort of sign as the figure in armor that had spoken before reached up and began pulling his helmet off. "I've heard you've been instrumental in ensuring my recon team survived before my arrival. I've also heard that you've been combing the Commonwealth looking for old maps to the region called the glow."

I ignored the figure pulling the helmet off, eying the man before me instead, "Word travels fast out here. What if I am?"

"I've come to offer... some assistance," Maxom said, the slightly cocky upturn to his lips making my teeth itch. Okay, my teeth weren't really itching, but it was a phrase I had read somewhere before the war and it had always stuck with me.

Just as I opened my mouth to reply I noticed the man putting his helmet away was that sexy Paladin from before. I honestly hadn't expected to see him again. Trying to keep the surprise from my face, I once again turned to the Elder, "And just what would you want for this... assistance you're so kindly offering me?"

"You scratch my back, I scratch yours," the man continued. He took a few steps forward and paced slightly in front of the few men gathered next to me. "You're looking for the Institute, and as fortune would have it, so am I. I have the maps your looking for, and in return you share with me what it is you hope to learn out there."

Something about this guy really rubbed me the wrong way, but he seemed to have what I needed. So I was now arguing my gut instinct with my need to find Shaun. 10 years of his life was enough for me to miss and if this... shifty fellow could help keep me from loosing more, wasn't that worth the risk?

"I assume you remember Paladin Danse?" he spoke again, smiling at my silence, and indicating the handsome man at his side. "I will give you all the maps I have on what that region looked like before the bombs, as well as any other information I have on the area. In exchange, all I ask is that you take Danse, here, with you when you go to make use of the information. Call him the eyes and ears of the Brotherhood, if you like. He will relay any relevant information we need back to us while aiding you in doing, whatever it is your trying to do. Assuming it doesn't conflict with our own interests, of course."

This sounded a lot like making a deal with the devil to me, but what choice did I have? The answer to finding Shaun was out in the glow, somewhere, and without a proper map the radiation in that area could kill me long before I find the man I'm looking for. Even with that hazmat suite I had recovered and all the rad-x and rad-away the minutemen had stockpiled the risk of getting lost and dieing was too great. I needed those maps.

It was then that I regarded the Paladin seriously. Slight stubble on his chin, dark black hair, well tended but not buzzed, and those deep piercing eyes that reminded me of Nate's. They mirrored the soul of a man that had followed several orders he didn't agree with, even if he believed in the authority issuing them. The eyes of a man that had seen death, and horror, walking out the other side with scars so deep you couldn't see them in the flesh.

Out of that power armor, he was solid muscle. I had seen it only once, when I first saved his team and he needed to repair some damage, but he was built. Put even Nate's battle muscles to shame. If I wasn't a grieving widow, if this was before my heart was shattered, I might have considered fucking the shit out of that man. He was so very yummy looking. But my life was what it was, and so, when I looked at Paladin Danse, all I saw where those eyes. So tortured and damaged, but so strong. Just like Nate's.

"I want to see these maps, first," I replied at last. There really was no choice.

Elder Maxom smirked. He had me over a barrel and he knew it. With a slight turn, he flicked in hand and a soldier dressed like that female office Danse had had in his team ran over and handed several large rolled papers and two holo disks over to me. "I believe you'll find these to your satisfaction."

As I unrolled the first map, and without another word, the Elder left, turning on his heel. Several silent moments saw the members of the Brotherhood file onto the Vertabird they had arrived in before it's engine's roared to life and they where air born. All except Danse of course, he just watched me, staring at these maps. I could feel those eyes on me.

After a few seconds my mind cleared enough to realize just what it was I was looking at. Several old structures and many old cave, marked in fine computer print out, as well as several small notes in the margins and hand made drawings indicating what their scouts had seen. Apparently the Brotherhood had been attempting to map the region.

"General?" asked Preston, after several moments of utter silence.

My head shot up as I regarded the first friend I made in this new world, "It's all here," I said, still half in shock. "With this I can..." I froze, my voice catching in my throat. Tears where threatening my eyes, but I chocked them back in order to keep myself looking strong in front of my men.

Preston patted me on the back, flashing me a genuine smile, "I'll take care of sending out the all clear. You just go have a good look at those maps."

I had almost forgotten Danse was there when I turned to leave and I heard the heavy thud of power armor behind me. It seemed he was going to follow me every where until he got what his boss wanted him to get. While I found myself mildly annoyed by this, I was far to over joyed to have the lead I had been waiting for to care. I allowed the man, probably just about to enter his middle ages, to follow me to my house. When I entered the doorway, I almost swore I heard him groan before the distinct sound of a person getting out of power armor filled my ears and he followed me into the dwelling. By the time he joined me at my table I had spread out several of the maps and was digging threw one of my bins for those notes I made once I got out of Kellog's head.

I hadn't realized the man was half naked till I turned back around to find him in only BOS issued bottoms and his dog tags. "Holly Shit!" I yelled, scattering my papers everywhere.

"What?" growled the paladin, annoyed with my reaction.

"There is a half naked man in my house, I barely know, that's what!" I said, my own voice groaning as I set about picking up the mess I made. As soon as I had my notes on the table, I ran back to my room and dug out one of the old shirts I had found in an abandoned department store when I was scavenging for supplies. It looked like it would be a bit to big around the gut for the man, but his bare chest was going to be distracting.

Nate used to walk around like that, just to tease me, and I do not need this guy reminding me, any more, of my dead husband. It had apparently been over 200 years since I've gotten laid, and my body was more then aware of that fact. Even if my heart was not.

"Here," I practically growled, tossing him the item of clothing, before once again pouring threw my notes. I thought I heard the Paladin say thank you, but since he was still bare chested I was doing my best to ignore the shit out of him.

"What are you looking for?" the man asked after several long, silent moments.

I glanced up just enough to be sure he was wearing a shirt, before returning my attention to the maps, "I've heard about a bio-scientist that escaped the Institute. Apparently he's hiding out in some cave, far to the south, and deep in the glow. If anyone can get me into the Institute, this man's probably it."

"And why do you want to get into the institute?" prodded the Paladin. He's likely been encouraged to learn as much about me as possible. In case I'm a threat.

Now I had a choice, tell him the truth or tell him to fuck off. I had no real reason to hide my intentions. They where pure, after all, but just knowing he was working for a man that made my teeth itch was enough to rub me the wrong way. I've always hated being spied on. After staring at Danse for several moments trying to decide what to say, I slowly replied, "They have something of mine, and I want it back."

Whatever the Paladin thought of my answer, he didn't say. He just started at me, my eyes locked with his. When my mind conjured up an image of Nate looking at me, just like that, before heading off to war I had to turn away. Those fucking eyes where going to burn holes in my soul and I knew it.

"General," called Garvey, before walking into my house, laser musket in hand. Danse and my second in command eyed each other for a moment before Preston continued, "We've sent the recall and our settlers are slowly making their way back to Sanctuary. Many of the men half way here from the Slogg and so on are a little disappointed they missed the party."

"I'm just glad there really wasn't a party to miss," I half said to my self as I began tracing a serious of old mapped tunnels that had only one noticeable entrance.

"You'll be heading out in the morning?" Garvey asked, already knowing my answer, as he came to stand next to me and look down at the maps himself.

"I expect so," I replied, rubbing the back of my neck. "You and the others should get our power armor, and the bulk of our munitions to the Castle. Just in case this all still goes south."

Preston looked right at Danse, "Of course General." He was trying to get a read on the Paladin, the motives behind this sudden offer of help, and show of force. Garvey was a clever man and he knew what posturing looked like when he saw it. The Brotherhood was trying to prove something to us by flying in on a Vertabird like that, and by leaving Danse behind. He just wasn't sure, and neither was I, if this was something to worry about, or just posturing. "Anything else you want seen to while you're away?"

With a deep sigh, I nodded, "Yeah. The people over at Tenpines have been sending word that their turrets are on the fritz. See if you can get a few guys out there to fix it, or at least an extra patrol if they can't. Also, send word to Valentine. I'm gonna need to stop by his place before going into the glow, just to be sure I have my information right. I have no intention of getting lost out there in the glow if I can help it."

"Are you gonna want a suite of Power Armor to go in?" asked Garvey, causing the Paladin to tense. Apparently he didn't like the idea that we had so many suites at our disposal.

"No, to bulky. Weighs me down. I was gonna bring my hazmat suite and plenty of rad-away. Should be enough, as long as I know where I'm going instead of wandering blind."

"Understood General," replied Garvey, giving me one of his rare salutes, before turning to walk away. "Remember to be careful."

I half laughed at that as my second in command left to see to his duties leaving just me and Danse in, what remained of my home. As I continued to stare at the maps, moving from them to my notes, the Paladin seemed to grow restless and was now wondering the dwelling. It wasn't like I minded. I didn't keep anything too important here. The memories kept me away more often then my duties, so I didn't really need to keep things here. Anything important enough was loaded into my back pack and that I kept tucked away until I was ready to go.

I missed the hulking man's return to the table, lost in my notes, so the sound of his voice jarred me, suddenly, from my concentration, causing me to jump, "There's only one bed."

"Shit!" I said, one hand now over my racing heart as I glared at the Paladin, "Scare me to death why don't you."

"That was not my intention," was his careful reply, the ghost of a smile on his lips doing nothing to cool my overactive libido, or thundering heart. "I simply wanted to know where you wanted me to sleep tonight."

"Take the bed," I replied with a short shrug, returning my attention to the maps strune about the table.

"This is your home, not mine. I wouldn't dream of taking your bed."

He was trying to be thoughtful. I knew that. But his insistence, and his words... "It's not _my_ bed," I snapped out. "Sleep there if you like. I'll take the couch, like I always do."

I didn't know if it was my tone, my words, or some big combination of the two, but the Paladin just left the conversation at that and disappeared into the room that had once been the space I shared with Nate. The space we stored personal objects, rested our heads, talking into the long hours of the night, and made love. The place we had conceived our son. No, it was not my room, but our room, and without Nate... I just couldn't sleep there.

I had tried one of the first few nights after I had made it out of the vault, but I found no rest there. My husbands voice, and the cry of our baby, the humm of Codsworth's motors as he worked echoed in that room and the dark of sleep would not find me.

Not that sleep did me any good to begin with. The precious few hours I did manage to get every now and again ended in fits of screaming that caused the settlement to panic the frist few times they heard me. They eventually stopped coming when they heard me, but those first few nights... I swear I gave Garvey a heart attack.

No, sleep offered no relief to me. It just forced me to live an imaginary lie, until the truth jerked me awake. My dreams always began the same, and ended the same. I was haunted by a dead man, taking my family from me, and sleep only made me remember. At least awake, I could busy myself with little chores, or tasks.

It had been hours before I realized the Paladin didn't return, and when curiosity got the better of me, I found him asleep in my old room, on the single bed I had put there in an attempt to rebuild some kind of life here. He had pulled the shirt I had given him off, it laying at the foot of the bed, neatly folded like he was worried he would get scolded. It was, yet another thing he had in common with Nate. After returning from the war he would fold and carefully put everything he touched back where it belonged. He never knew when combat would force him out into the night, and he had been trained to know right where everything was. No time to search. Just strap on your gear and go.

I hated him for all these reminders. Hated the Paladin for reminding me of what was gone. And most of all, I hated that he wasn't Nate. How dare he be so similar, yet so different. How dare Danse be... Danse.

In a huff I made my way out to what remained of the living room and threw myself down on the couch. Bunching up the jacket I took with me for the rain, I used it as a pillow as I tried to force my mind to slow and stop. Despite not liking to sleep, and feeling worse on the waking, I would still need my rest. I was about to venture out into the glow, and even I couldn't manage to survive such a place on no sleep.

I managed to fall asleep that night, thinking about how angry the Paladin just down the hall made me. How much he was like Nate. How much he wasn't. I fumed until I fell into a rage induced sleep, the dreams finding me not long after.


	3. Chapter 2

_[Disclaimer; I don't think this needs saying, but just_ _in case_ _Bathesda gets a stick up their ass, I do not own Fallout or affiliated materials in any way shape or form. I am_ _merely_ _borrowing them for my own amusement.]_

I jumped up from my couch, bathed in sweat, the scream that must have been ripping threw my throat only leaving a raw reminder in its wake. I spun around in circles. My living room was all dirty and rusted… holes everywhere. I didn't understand what was happening. I wanted to call out for Nick, but my voice caught and I couldn't force it out. When I spun to look down, what had been my hall way, a man without a shirt, wearing dog tags, and sharing Nate's eyes, was looking back at me. And for a moment, I believed it was him.

Without thought I look half a step forward, my dead husband's name on my lips, before I remembered the truth… remembered the man standing before me. Reality hit me then, and I suddenly remembered the last year of my life. I remembered the nightmare that taunted me with images of the face of the man that had been everything to me. And I remembered that he was dead… And this thing, standing in my hall way, looking at me threw Nate's eyes, was not him. Nate was gone… and this man… he was simply here to haunt me. A reminder of all that I had lost.

I snapped out at him then, "What?"

The poor man just dropped his eyes, replying firmly with, "Nothing," before vanishing back the way he had come.

I truly hadn't meant to be so cold to Danse, but his eyes. Just that look he could get in his eyes was so like Nate it felt like a sharp knife, twisting into what little remained of my heart. They where different men, I knew that, but those eyes.

I instantly felt guilty about snapping and rubbed the back of my neck. It wasn't like it was the Paladin's fault I had nightmares, nor his fault he reminded me of my husband. It was just, really hard to deal with first thing in the morning. I wanted to apologize instantly, but found I didn't have the words. He wouldn't understand, and I didn't expect him to. I didn't expect anyone to understand.

With a shake to my head, I wondered over to my kitchen table and began clearing off the mess of papers I had left behind. I was silently sorting them into two piles when the Paladin emerged once more. Thankfully he was wearing a shirt, and didn't seem in the mood to talk, so I just continued working, doing my best to ignore him.

Jun stopped by about an hour latter, bringing me breakfast like always. "I always know it's dawn, cause I wake to the sound of Winifred screaming," he joked, trying to ease the utter silence he had walked into. While I had been around the man and his fellows for long enough for it to be a joke around here, the Paladin simply quirked a brow and looked at me. He was startled enough to wake up to it one morning. I could only imagine what he was thinking this trip with me would be like. Hell of a way to wake up everyday.

"Thanks Jun," I said, flashing the man a smile. I wanted to wring his neck, but Long was jumpy enough without me trying to kill him. Leaving enough food for two behind, the Paladin and I where once again left to our silence. I had managed to pack away the maps and gear we would need to traverse the glow.

Placing my, very full pack, on the ground and taking a seat at the table to begin eating, I glanced over at Danse. He just remained sitting on the couch, staring at the food like he was starving, but making no move toward it. I mentally remarked on how rare it was to find someone with manors in this day and age before calling out to him, "Help yourself. I can't eat all this."

A look of utter shock crossed the man's face but the smallest smile touched his lips, "Thank you."

I found myself smiling, despite my best efforts not to, and extending my hand the chair across from me, "Have a seat."

Slowly, as though weary of a wild animal, the Paladin crossed the room before taking the chair I had offered and grabbing a few slices of the cooked Tato and Muitfruit. While Brahman meat was considered some of the best food out there, I still hadn't quite adapted the new taste of cow this world had created and slid the plate to the side, helping myself to more tato. The oddest… food, but quite tasty. Danse seemed to figure this meant he could have some of the meat, and happily he dug into it.

We ate in silence, but not uncomfortably, mostly just enjoying the feeling of a full belly. Lots of travel meant light meals and it really wasn't often someone in the Commonwealth had enough food to fill their bellies. Even someone like me, General of the Minutemen. Sure, I could probably demand to be fed better, and no one would argue with me, but I never did. I was given enough to live on, and occasionally enough to be full. That was more then good enough when plenty of others where starving.

Finishing eating before the Paladin, I stretched lazily in my seat. I didn't really remember the last time I felt so… comfortable, but I wasn't about to question the sensation. Instead, I elected to enjoy it, smiling softly to myself as I thought about nothing in particular. There was a long day of walking a head of me, a few nights sleeping on the hard ground and then a radioactive pit to deal with after that, but for this moment, I didn't feel the need to worry about that.

"I thought you're name was Fred," Danse spoke suddenly. His own belly seemingly full.

"Only Jun calls me Winifred, and the only other person that chose to do so before him was my mother. Fred is shorter and simpler," I replied with a shrug. My mother died long before the war. I've had plenty of time to accept her death, even if it was 200 years latter then it felt.

"I've never heard that name before," continued the Paladin either trying to hold some sort of conversation, or prodding for information. Either way, I didn't really find I cared. It was almost nice to talk to someone just after breakfast, like Nate and I used to.

"It was an old name… even 200 years ago. Not surprising you haven't heard it," I replied with a slight smile. I could tell my answer confused the poor guy more then give him an answer, but he didn't really need to know more. "Besides, I prefer to be called Fred, so if you don't mind Paladin, just call me Fred."

"Danse," he said, just as I was drinking my water. I didn't quite catch his words though and had to quickly swallow to ask him to repeat himself. "My name is Danse," he said with a light smile. "You're not a member of the Brotherhood, so I don't expect you to use my title. Danse is fine."

I didn't want to smile, but I could feel one creep into place just the same. I shoved my cup of purified water in front of my face to hide it from the man across from me.

We set out for Diamond city a little less then an hour after that. While I had grown used to the constant company of Dogmeat, the sound of the Paladin in his armor was something completely different. It sounded much louder, like thud from his metal boots carried for miles. I knew that wasn't true, but with him walking so close behind me, that's certainly how it had sounded. For the first half of the day I had to grind my teeth just to keep myself from telling the man to be quiet. For some reason the sound just echoed in my ears, making me feel like I could hear nothing else. When a radiation storm came in from the south, forcing us to hunker down till it passed, I had officially hit my last nerve and felt like I was biting my tongue in half, just to keep from saying something I knew I'd regret. He wasn't doing it on purpose, I knew that, but if I had to hear the creak of his armor for another second, I was going to shoot Danse in the head, and pretend I'd never heard of him.

We sat in silence as the storm ragged over head causing my pip-boy's built in Geiger counter to give off the occasional click, despite our shelter. Danse had removed his helmet inside the old broken home and leaned back against the wall as he watched the green clouds swim by.

As he watched the storm, I found myself watching him. When he wasn't looking at me with those strong, but tortured eyes, I could see nothing similar between this man and Nate. Danse had a stronger jaw, thicker neck, more scares, and he was far dirtier then my husband had even been. No one was really clean in this world, but I found I liked the distinction. If I could separate the Paladin from my spouse in my mind I might be able to become friends with the soldier.

All to suddenly the man looked back at me though, and all the differences I had found vanished all at once. Those where Nate's eyes. Same color, same shape, same tortured look to them. It ripped at me to look at them, and that irrational hate I had for Danse surged to life all at once. I turned my head, sharply, from the man at once and began watching the sky while he watched me instead. I found the feeling of him watching me almost as impossible to bear as the feeling of looking into his eyes. I could feel the urge to snap at him boil up inside me again, and was biting my tongue to keep it from miss behaving.

"Fred?" he asked, softly for a man that size.

He was trying to draw my attention, but I stubbornly didn't want to give it. Instead, managing to keep my annoyed tone from my voice, I replied, "Yes?"

"Why do you hate me?"

The question was so shocking I flipped my head to look at him before I had a chance to consider just what that might do to me. He was obviously confused, I could see it written all over his face but there was something else. I wasn't sure what, I thought I knew those eyes, but I knew it was something, "What?"

"Why do you hate me?" Danse repeated, now looking at the ground, like I had shammed him.

Without those eyes to tear into me, it was easier to form a reply, "I don't hate you… presay. Just… your eyes." My admission seemed to surprise him almost as much as it did me. His eyes snapped back up to mine, tearing into me again. I was the one to look away this time. "They… Your eyes remind me of someone. Someone… I lost a while ago. I really don't mean to be so… difficult. You can just be hard to look at. I'm sorry for that."

I thought I saw the Paladin nod, but couldn't risk looking to be sure. Those eyes had power over me, and my even letting him know that was a big mistake. He could affect me, and out here in the world that I now lived in, that was a dangerous thing. It could easily get me killed some day. If not today, then another day.

Danse was shifting slightly, and when I looked over, he was putting his helmet back on. I thought, for a moment, he was doing it to be kind, when I realized my pip-boy hadn't made a sound in a while, and he was really just getting ready to leave. I felt the blush threaten to color my cheeks, but smacked myself in the leg as I pushed up from where I was sitting so the pain could force it away instead. I was the General now. General's didn't blush like school girls.

In an attempt to forget my revelation, I called out to the Paladin, "We need to find a place to cross the river and then make our way east to Diamond city. If memory serves, there's an old broken overpass spanning the river another hour south from here."

"Sounds about right," he answered, his voice altered by the helmet shoved over his face. "Why Diamond city?"

I began leading the way once more as I answered his question, "A man there by the name of Nick helped me track down my current lead. Before we go traipsing threw the glow I wanted to speak to him and make sure I had all my facts right."

"Understood," Danse called before we once again fell into silence.

I hated wondering threw the ruins of Boston. The towering gray masses that used to be the hub of economics and commerce where simply shells of their former glory, housing raiders, ghouls, and super mutants. From every dark corner an ambush lied in wait. No matter how quite or careful one was you ended drawing attention to yourself. Raiders wanting your gear, ghouls simply wanting to destroy you, and the super mutants who wanted to eat you. They poured from the allies and broken buildings like a flood of chaos and your only choice was to run. There where too many to fight, and the sound of your trying would only draw more. How Diamond City managed to thrive in the center of this hell was a mystery to me.

The moment the towering structures came into view, I began skirting south. An old farmhouse with a view of the city would give me a chance to get my guns ready, and spare ammo within easy reach. I wouldn't be able to avoid some of the fighting, and I knew better then to try, so I wanted to be ready for when it happened.

Danse just trialled me in silence. If he wondered what we where doing, or why we were going so far south before heading into the city, he gave no indication.

Slowly, I inched my way towards the farmhouse, tucking my shotgun into the pocket I had made for it in my pack in favor of my pistol. I had cleared this place of farrels a while back, but like the raiders of the commonwealth, for every one you killed, two more seemed to take their place.

Crouching low to the ground, I turned to the Paladin and simply held a finger to my lips. His silent nod was all the confirmation I needed before slowly beginning my forward momentum. I didn't hear any movement but ghouls where known to remain inactive until they sensed movement. As quietly as I could manage, I swung the front door open and scanned the ruined living room. There where corpses in various states of decay strune about the place. The only ones I was sure where not farrels where the bodies that had decayed to only bone. Every other one I scanned and made mental note of as I wondered slowly forward.

That was when the ring of Danse's laser rifle caught my ears, rousing a few of the bodies. I cussed heavily as I leveled my 10mm and aimed for the heads of as many of the moving corpses as I could manage. Apparently there where even more of them up on the second floor as three more ghouls began running down the steps, coming for me, forcing me to back out threw door, firing as I went. When my back collided with something large, and cold, I almost shot the Paladin spinning around to put more distance between me and the people eaters following me.

With an utterly blank face, and the cool precession of someone who'd spent their life firing a gun, he dispatched the ghouls filing out the front door with a few pulls of his trigger. I would have thought the display impressive if I wasn't utterly annoyed with him being the reason I was overwhelmed. "Do you not do quiet?" I nearly screamed at him, spinning on my heel to head back into the house. "Trigger finger, go check the second floor," I barked, angrily yanking my pack from my back and slamming it down on, what remained, of the rotting couch.

Danse said nothing, and simply forced his large, metal clad frame up the stairs. I heard a few extra pops of his rifle as I began digging for the extra shells and clips I would need to have within reach. The vest I had picked off a gunner I killed one of the first few months I spent out in the wastes had more pockets then I ever thought I would need. Well, I used to think it was too many. Then I began filling those pockets with bullets and found myself wishing for more.

The thud of his heavy boots was all the warning I had that the Paladin had returned. Even with only a day of travel together under our belt, I was getting a feel for the man. He didn't like to talk unless he felt the need, and he never talked unless it was to learn something new. Idol conversation did not seem to be his forte. He was an experienced, and gifted killer. The Brotherhood was lucky to have him working for them, even if they dismissed his ability under a word like duty. He was a dangerous enemy to have, and I was secretly glad he wasn't mine. At least for now.

I tossed him some brahmin jerky I'd packed for the road, and munched on a few tatos. The sun would begin sinking below the horizon soon, and while darkness made it harder to see your enemy coming, it also made it harder for them to see you, and I preferred getting to Diamond city with as much ammo as possible.

Avoiding looking at Danse's face, reviled since he removed his helmet to eat, I pulled out one of the maps of the glow and began programming my pip-boy with some of the data points I would need upon first entering the area as I ate. Multitasking was one of the few skills I had acquired before the war that I found useful even after.

"We'll make for Diamond city after nightfall," I said, more to myself then the Paladin. "If we're lucky we'll avoid the bulk of raider and super mutant attention. We can rest there for the night, and stock up on a few things before turning south and heading into the glow."

"How long do you think we'll need to wonder the glow before getting to where we're going?" Danse asked, speaking for the first time since the radiation storm.

I cast a quick glance in his direction before returning my attention to the pip-boy, "No idea. I haven't really wondered around that area before. If my information is correct, probably two or three days. Depending on the trouble we run into as well. Rumor has it that a number of deahtclaws roam that region." The man may be a walking tank, but I saw even him react to the mention of deathclaws. Anyone with a lick of sense in this world knew to fear the deathclaw.

My sharp tongue and joking manor got the better of me, a smirk lifting my lips as I said, "Don't worry Paladin, I won't let the big lizards eat you."

"They're more likely to enjoy the taste of the lightly armored female with a big mouth," he replied, catching me completely off guard.

My eyes where wide as I stared at him in shock. "Why, Paladin, did you just make a joke?"

Those haunting eyes turned to me, the smallest of smiles lifting his lips, "Members of the Brotherhood don't joke. We kill."

I laughed slightly, despite myself, shoving the last of tato into my mouth as soon as it was safe. While this trip, so far, had been nothing but tension, it felt a little eased just then. Despite knowing he was, it was nice to have it confirmed that Danse was human, and capable of more then spying and killing.

"How long have you been with the Brotherhood?" I asked, still fidgeting with my pip-boy. I found I didn't really want the silence to come back, now that we seemed to actually be speaking.

"Well over 10 years."

"A carear man," I said to myself, clicking in a few extra reference points to the glow on the mini map that came standard on my useful wrist accessory. The device, itself, auto mapped the world as I wondered threw it. If a location was special, I just attached a tittle to it, and bam, perfect record of where I had been, and how to get there again. Say what you will of Vault-tech, they knew how to make useful equipment when they wanted to. And when they didn't want to experiment on you.

"How long have you worked for the Minutemen?" Danse asked in return.

I knew he was likely fishing for information, more because he had to then because he wanted to, but turn about was fair play, so I shrugged off my urge to make a snarky remark, and answered him, "A little over a year now."

"They made you General after only a year?"

"Well, when I joined, there was only one other Minuteman. Some kind of infighting killed off the rest and made the few that where left scatter to the winds. It was before my time, though, so I don't know the details. But when I started helping out, Preston decided that I was better in charge then he was, so he made me General, and since there were no other members to argue the appointment, General I became."

The Paladin looked at with a mix of disbelief, and confusion, "But the Minutemen are everywhere."

"Now," I replied, half laughing. "It wasn't easy to unite all the small farms, but with the numbers we have now, we're more like an army then a band of farmers."

"Do your farms come standard with artillery, or was that something you added?"

I looked into his eyes then, trying to see his intention. It took a lot of effort to ignore the way those eyes made me feel, "I don't think it much matters. We have them, and we use them to keep people safe."

He was now scrutinizing me, digging for some hint in my eyes, "You have enough fire power to conquer the commonwealth."

"Then I suppose everyone should just be grateful that ruling the world has never been one of my ambitions."

I could tell he didn't like my answer, but he seemed to be learning that my snarky attitude was a defense mechanism and didn't push the issue. Just burned a hole in my soul, holding my gaze with his, trying to find the answer buried in my hazel orbs.

"What about your Brotherhood? You've come in like an invading force, with more then enough men, power armor, and ships to make a good push at taking the Commonwealth. Why the display?"

It was his turn to turtle up. His job was not to give me intel, but to get his own, and I could see him weighing the different things he could say in his mind, before he shut completely down. I could read the stubborn refusal to speak easily in his eyes. Nate had had that look in his eyes once or twice.

"Tell you what," I said, pulling my eyes away after a long moment, "you keep your secrets, and I'll keep mine. I don't know why the Brotherhood is here, and you don't know just how much fire power the Minuetmen have. Just know, the people of the Commonwealth will die to keep the few freedoms we've managed to obtain."

I didn't wait to gauge the Paladin's reaction, and instead pushed up from the rotting couch I was seated on, throwing my pack over my shoulder. The sun was in its last moments of setting, and by the time we reached the broken buildings that made up the bulk of Boston's power before the war, we would be bathed in darkness.

We sprinted from ruined building to ruined building, trying to keep out of sight as much as possible. Fortunately a sudden rain storm was masking the thud of the Paladin's boots, meaning we had reached the main gate to the city with little, to no shots fired. A few dead mongrels, and one unlucky raider where all that we had come across. The guard knew me at once, and despite casting Danse a suspicious look, let us right in with out so much as a greeting.

I led the man, quickly, threw the dark, make-shift ally ways, until we came to Valentine's door, and pushed it aside, ushering Danse in before casting a look back the way we came. I wasn't sure the Institute was watching me in Diamond city, but I figured, if they where smart, they had a few of their, cleverly disguised synths keeping tabs. Other then taking my son, and having my husband murdered, the bogyman of the Commonwealth had yet to interfere with my actions. But that didn't mean they weren't watching.

When I finally entered Nick's place, the Paladin had his gun pulled, and pointed right at the mechanical man. "Whoa!" I yelled, jumping between the barrel of the Paladin's gun and my friend, "What the hell are you doing?"

"He's a synth," Danse replied, his helmet altering his voice and keeping those dangerous eyes from view.

"A broken, discarded model, yes," replied the detective, flicking the cigarette he had been smoking. I doubted Nick really had lungs, and always just assumed he did it because the man he had the memories of used to do so.

"He's my friend!" I said to the soldier, moving with the Paladin as he tried to get a clear shot on Valentine. "I won't let you shoot my friend!"

Whatever Danse was thinking, I couldn't tell, but the jerky way he lowered his gun, but didn't put it away told me he was at least not going to start shooting. "You can't trust him," he said to me, so softly I almost didn't catch his words.

"To what do I owe the honer of nearly getting killed today?" Nick asked at last. I kept my attention on the Paladin, even as I moved around the room to spread one of my new maps over the table. Boy did that soldier not like me doing that. I swore I could hear Danse growl.

"Thanks to… some new friends, I have maps of the glow, before the bombs," I began while putting some cups down to hold the edges of the southern most map in place, before I began pointing out some caves. "I wanted to check with you before I went running off into the glow, instead of just trusting that these," I said with a tap, "are the caves I'm looking for."

Valentine put of his cigarette in one of the nearby ash treys, before taking a step closer and looking over the map for himself. "South west of the impact crater, which should be… here," he said while pointing out the area, "and the caves Kellog picked out where… here… Well, as long as thees are accurate, it looks like the right place to me. But then again, we are basing this hunch off half the brain of mad man."

"Yeah, a mad man almost as old as me, and with a lot of Institute knowledge in his head," I replied. "I suppose it comes down to whether or not we trust the source of information."

"It's a big risk to take, kid," offered Nick, his synthetic features conveying his worry. "This is not a place you want to get lost in."

"I know, but what choice do I have? I need to get into the Institute, and the man hiding in these caves just may know how to do that."

"I know, Fred, I'm just worried is all," offered the synth, lightly patting me on the back. He was good at being comforting. The real Nick must have had a knack for putting people at ease. "Are you setting out now, or will you bother to sleep for a change?"

I smiled slightly. I loved the detective's sense of humor, "We'll stay at my house for tonight, and stock up on a few things before heading out tomorrow. I know better then to wonder into a dead zone on no sleep."

"Sometimes I wonder about that," Valentine joked, lighting up another smoke while I rolled the maps back up. "Who is your new metal friend, by the way?" he asked, indicating Danse. "I suddenly don't feel so special."

I laughed, "This Paladin brought me my maps. He has his reasons, but it seems the Brotherhood is looking for the Institute. The enemy of my enemy, as they say."

"A dangerous enemy," commented Nick when the Paladin said nothing.

"Don't speak to me, machine," curtly answered Danse, earning a glare from me. His gun was still down though, so I just let it slide.

"Not the friendly sort, is he?" joked the metal detective, before turning back to me. "Just be careful. The Brotherhood isn't known to be forgiving, or to cooperative."

"Thanks Nick," I said, patting him lightly once the last of my materials where put away.

With one last smile, I left my friend's home and made my way back around to the main market area. I bought the house here back when Valentine and I where working together frequently, and it seemed easier to have my own home then to rent a room at the Dugout every time. I never kept anything important in the city, just in case people went poking around when I wasn't here. The city bread thieves, a truth that hadn't changed after the bombs fell, and with the Institute planting fakes in the place of people, it didn't seem wise. I also lent the space out the any Minutemen whom happened to be in the city, so I left nothing I cared about here.

Once we reached home plate, I pulled out my key, flipping threw the massive ring that had become my collection over my travels, and pushed the door aside, using my free hand to gesture for Danse to head on in ahead of me. I couldn't really see his eyes in his helmet, but I could practically see the glare on his face.

The moment the door clicked shut with me on the other side, the Paladin opened his mouth to speak, helmet hurled across the room like it annoyed him, "What the hell are you thinking, showing Brotherhood maps to that… that..."

"Synth?" I supplied, vividly recalling the distaste he displayed for the things back when I helped him get that piece of tech he needed.

"How do you know you can trust it?" he screamed at me slamming one of his metal fists into the table that had been laden with forgotten bottles of booze.

"How do I know I can trust you?" I was angry then, and I shouted back, not afraid to stand up to his, much larger frame. My question seemed to throw Danse, because he just looked at me like I was speaking madness. "That "synth" is the one that led me to this point. I wouldn't be so close to finding my son without him. And then you Brotherhood fucks just show up and demand I share everything I know with you, only offering scraps of paper in return. I've seen that machine take a bullet to save me, and I've seen him risk his mind to bring me closer to the truth. WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?"

My outburst either shocked the soldier, or my words hit home for him, because he backed away a step and looked down at the ground, as if he felt shame. I glared at him for a few moments before slamming my pack down on the table and pulling out my notes. I kept a full record of events on my pip-boy as well, but something about paper just made me feel better. Probably due to nostalgia for the days I would poor over old text books, copying any old law or case that seemed to matter. If I only knew how useless that knowledge would be now.

I heard the decompression of his armor as he released himself from its trappings to better maneuver in the much smaller space. While my home in Diamond city was rather large for a dwelling in the city, it didn't really take power armor into account. The low ceiling and narrow stair case would have made it almost impossible to move around in such a space.

I was still angry, however, and refused to look at him, even when he joined me at the table. He brought over his laser rifle and several instruments he would need to clean it, but was making no move to do so. Instead, he was just watching me. Watching me write things on paper, file them into my pip-boy, and then repeat the process with the next set of information.

"The Institute took your son?" he asked suddenly, jarring me from my thoughts. I hadn't realized I had been screaming about that until just then. It wasn't something I was really trying to hide, but for some reason, his knowing made me feel much more vulnerable.

With a deep sigh, I sunk into the chair sitting there for use, burying my face in my hands. I didn't really want to talk about this, but I was the one that brought it up. He knew one way or another now. "Yes," I sighed out at last, doing everything in my power not to look him in the eyes. I really didn't want to see Nate in them right now. "They murdered my husband in front of me, to take my infant son out of his arms. The man who pulled the trigger is now dead, but the Institute still has my son, and I will stop at nothing to get him back."

A few moments of silence ticked by at the Paladin absorbed what I told him, before asking the next question, "Do I remind you of him? Your son?"

I glanced up at those fucking eyes of Danse's. I didn't see much of Nate now, but I could see how easily I drew that comparison. "No, not my son."

The Paladin was blessedly quiet for a few moments. He had picked up his rifle and was absently going threw the motions of cleaning it. An action he had likely done so often it was engrained into his muscle memory.

"Why dose the Brotherhood want to find the Institute?" I asked at last. He knew my reasons. I felt it was only fair I knew his.

Danse glanced up from his task to stare at me for a few moments. He seemed to be trying to decide what to say. "To destroy them."

"Why?" I asked, leaning back into my seat and leaving my mess of papers where they lie.

"They're creating machines that perfectly mimic humans. Their abuse of technology is apparent, and their motives unknown. They are a danger."

I stared into those eyes, trying to find the lie. I could spot it in those eyes any where. Nate always said he couldn't get away with anything with me. He tried throwing me a surprise party once, I had to act surprised for it because I could see his plan in those perfect eyes. Whatever the truth was, the Paladin believed what he was telling me to be true, at the very least. After a slight nod, the soldier returned to his task, his gun already in pieces as he cleaned the individual parts.

 _[A/N; I don't normally like to do these, but if I feel the need, this is one of the best ways to talk to all you lovely people following my… well, I call it an addiction, but don't tell people I said that. Anyway, I just wanted to inform all you beautiful people that I am a terrible speller. I also don't have an editor, I can get cranky about things when people mess with my work, so me and editors don't really get along, so the only person proof reading this is me. Again, I can't spell. Not my strength in life, so you will find errors. Let me apologize in advance for any you may find. If you want to send me a message, letting me know I messed something up, feel free. Constructive criticism is appreciated, as long as it doesn't mess with my story, but for spelling I do take advice. I hope you have all enjoyed so far, and keep liking and following. Also, I did get one review, so thank you to whomever that was. I would name you, but you where simply titled guest, so… Anyway, the next chapter will be up as fast as my fingers and brain can get it down, and please review!]_


	4. Chapter 3

_[Disclaimer; I don't think this needs saying, but just_ _in case_ _Bathesda gets a stick up their ass, I do not own Fallout or affiliated materials in any way shape or form. I am_ _merely_ _borrowing them for my own amusement.]_

After my usual morning screaming fit Danse, a little more prepared for it then he had been the day before, sat down to a light breakfast with me, which devolved into a screaming match. "They're scared of you!" I yelled across the table, pointing at him with my fork.

The Paladin was naked form the waist up, once again, and I'd given up on fighting him about it. At least for the moment. "They have nothing to fear if they aren't my enemy!" he yelled back, after using some water to swallow down the food threatening to lodge in his throat.

This all began when I brought up needing to buy supplies, and his refusal to just wait for me here while I took care of the purchases. I don't know if he was worried I was gonna bolt at the first opportunity, but this need he had to watch me all the time was starting to fray my nerves. I was just getting over my issue with his eyes for pities sake and the man couldn't leave me to piss in peace.

"No one knows who your enemy is, Danse! That's the problem!"

He glared death at me over his meal, and as best as I was able I glared back. He would win the staring contest, I knew that, but pride wouldn't allow me to back down just yet.

"Well, Winifred," oh I hated it when he called me that, "any enemy of the Brotherhood is an enemy of mine. As long as they don't get in the way, they're fine."

I groaned loudly, pulling out a few strands of my red hair as I ran my fingers threw it. "You are impossible! How are the people supposed to know who the Brotherhood wants dead, or what they want to acomplish if your leaders don't bother TALKING to people?"

"Elder Maxom shouldn't have to explain his actions or reasons to..."

"To who, Paladin? The people who's land he's invaded? The residents of the commonwealth he's now sending his men out into?" Oh I was furious now. And while I was fairly certain the Paladin could kill me, if the urge ever took him, this was not combat. This was a verbal debate. And I ruled at those. One doesn't become a layer not knowing how to argue.

"Woman," he growled in a low tone. I was either pushing his buttons, or winning this fight.

"No, don't you dare "woman" me soldier! I'm in charge of this operation and you will either fall in line, or get left behind!"

Danse snapped his mouth shut, but the tight line he was making with his lips, and the crease in his brow told me he was not pleased. Those eyes of his, I could just see the rage under the surface, but knew he wouldn't push this any further. It was that unhappily defeated look I knew from the few times Nate and I had fought.

"Now you will stay here while I head out and pick up the last few things we'll need before we set out."

"No," he replied flatly, causing me to practically throw my fork down on the table. "I'll leave my armor if you're so worried about the civilians, but you're not leaving me behind."

With a loud, "ARUGH!" I pushed up from my chair and stomped up the wood steps that led to the sleeping area. How he managed to win this fight was beyond me. I was normally really good at this kind of thing, but that strict, "following orders" thing he had going seemed to trump my rage. And his offer to leave the power armor seemed to be the only concession he was about to make. I had wanted to escape the hulking man candy that taunted me with his naked chest, but it seemed God had no pity to offer me, and was going to taunt me with Danse.

Storming back down the steps, caps in hand, I threw a shirt into the Paladin's face, before picking up my vest and saying, "At least wear a fucking shirt. God damned barbarian."

To his credit, Danse said nothing as I threw open the front door and stepped out into the fresh morning, pulling my vest on. As I waited for the walking libido tease, I stared up at the sky, trying to remember what morning looked like before the war in an attempt to distract myself from my anger. I used to know. I remember almost chocking on the air when I first came out of the vault. I remember staring up at the sky and wondering why it was a different color, but for the life of me I couldn't see those differences now. They sky was still blue, the clouds still white, and the sun was still yellow.

All those little things that told me I was in the wrong world where fading from my mind day by day. I had forgotten what a real tomato tasted like, having been eating tatos for to long. I forgot the feel of grass, and couldn't remember which trees used to shed their leaves in the fall, considering there where no more living trees at all. Even the water. It took me months to learn to drink the purified stuff they call water without gagging. I remembered being picky about my water, able to taste the difference between what came from the city and what came from a fresh stream. Now, in this world, I was simply glad if what I was drinking wouldn't kill me with exposure to radiation.

I knew this world was the wrong one. But for the life of me, all those little things that bugged me where starting to vanish. I found myself more grateful for an uneventful day then angry it was another day without my family. I stopped counting the number of blisters I had and instead counted the number of days I continued to survive. I stopped worrying about my dirty hair, or smudged face, and just enjoyed the rare bath I got to have. So much of what used to feel so wrong stopped feeling like anything at all. It was just another day. Another chance to find Shaun.

Danse silently fell in behind me, signaling his approach with the closing of the door. I cast him a quick glance, before stepping out into the early morning market. Everything was fresh now, the crops from fields just coming in, water just finishing its run threw the purifier the night before, still cool to the tongue. After a lot of quick talking and bartering, I managed to secure some shells for my shotgun, a few clips for my pistol, and even some energy cells for the Paladin. A quick visit to the doctor, and clever use of my tongue saw to a few extra bags of rad-away, and more then a few bottles of rad-x. In addition to my hazmat suite I was fairly certain I would survive my trudge threw the glow once everything was said and done.

Just as we made a last minuet pass threw the market stalls, making sure we had all we would need, Piper emerged from her building and spotted me at once, "BLUE!"

While the girl could be very amusing, and helpful when the urge struck her, Piper was very nosy. She'd smell Brotherhood all over Danse, and in an instant she'd rattle of questions like it was some kind of competition. I knew reporters back in my day with half this girl's drive, and quadruple the notoriety.

"BLUE!" she yelled again, forcing me to a stop. I could feign ignorance for her first shout, but by the second even the venders where pointing her out, trying to get my attention.

With the biggest smile I could manage, I spun on my heel, "Piper! I didn't hear you."

"Don't lie Blue, you're bad at it," laughed the young woman, coming to a stop just before me and Danse. "You're trying to keep the biggest story since you walked in the door away from me. Did you really think I wouldn't hear about this?"

I honestly wasn't sure if the brunette was talking about the Paladin, my search for my son, or the sudden interest the Brotherhood had in helping me on my quest. "Uh..."

"So when did you find a man?" Piper asked, bouncing on the heels of her feet like an excited school girl.

"What?" I asked, certain I couldn't have heard that right.

"The new man, here. Big and sexy following you around like a shadow. I thought you where to hung up on your dead husband to get back out there, but when you pick one Blue, do you pick one."

I refused to look at the Paladin. Refused to do it. I was blushing from my ears to my color bone, and there was no way I was going to show him, "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"Please," scoffed the young reporter, waving one hand in a dismissive manor. "It's so obvious. The two of you show up in the dead of night, sneak into your place, and emerge the next morning to do a little shopping. Other then Garvey, I haven't seen you alone with one guy. Well, not counting Nick, but he's a synth, so I just chalked that up to your search for your son."

My eyes had to be the size of saucers. Of all the crazy ideas Piper could have come up with, this was the most shocking I had ever heard. My mind was as jumbled as my face was red, and couldn't form one complete sentence, "What? No… We… I mean… the Paladin..."

"Leave it alone Piper!" called Nick, emerging from the ally his agency sat just off of. I could have kissed the synth just then. "Fred's business is Fred's business, and not your papers."

"You're spoiling my fun Valentine," pouted the reporter. With a growl, and the blush instantly fading from my face, I punched my female friend in the arm. "Oww, Blue."

"How dare you tease me Piper!" I practically yelled. I kinda wanted to punch her again, but held myself back.

"I couldn't help it Blue," argued the young brunette, "It's been 200 years since you've been laid, this man is fine as all hell, and you need something to make your horrible life worth living."

"I told you, running around fucking all the men you find hot is not my idea of moving on with my life," I groaned, running my pale, dirty fingers threw my greasy hair. A small thought about just how bad I probably looked springing to life, before I shoved it away and focused on the problem in front of me. "You go out and get laid for me Piper. I've got things to do."

"You can't keep putting yourself on hold, Blue!" she called to my retreating back.

I didn't even bother to check if Danse was following me. I just made a bee line for my house, threw open the door, and went right for my pack. My morning had been crazy enough without that loud mouth sticking her two cents in. With a speed I hadn't used since the last raider attack, I had my armor in place, my arms looped threw my pack, my guns in their places, and I was back out the door.

I was several yards outside the city by the time I heard the Paladin sprinting up behind me in his power armor. I hopped Danse had shut and locked my door on his way out, but wasn't about to speak to him. Not just yet. That damn Piper's voice was still running threw my head, and I did not want to think about just what my companion thought about the display.

* * *

I dumped the last shell of my shotgun into the super mutant's torso, just to be sure. What evil mind ever concocted such a creature deserved whatever cold hell they where living in. Big, green, and mean. Next to a deathclaw, it was probably one of the worst things I had ever come across in the wasteland. Creature wise, and not counting that Mierlurk queen I had to kill to retake the castle. At least I had back up on that one. Lots of back up.

At the thought of back up, I glanced over at Danse, a few paces to my left, tossing some intestines that where spewed at him from the suicidal super mutant that came running at us with an armed mini-nuke. We had spent the first half of the day dodging raiders, running from super mutants, and blowing a hole in a few ferrals as we picked our way south. I was convinced, at this point, the world was planning the tedious day I was having. I'd expended far more ammo then I had wanted to the first day out of Diamond city, and I was only half finished with it. At the rate we where going, running into a deathclaw nest didn't seem to far a stretch.

"You shouldn't have done that," commented the Paladin, blessedly wearing his helmet so I couldn't be tormented by those eyes of his.

"Done what?"

"Shot the bomb," he replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I killed, like, a dozen of the green bastards with that one shot," I said, not really in the mood to argue about my methods of killing things.

"And destroyed a perfectly viable weapon in the process," added the Paladin. Apparently his own nerves where as frayed as my own.

"Apologies, sir," I said, adding an over acted salute to my snarky remark, "next time I will allow you to wrestle the large creature with an explosive to the ground, so you may arrest it from him, sir."

"I don't need your lip, Winifred," he growled out, using my full name, once again. Why he had taken to doing that was beyond me, and annoying me.

"Aww, is the poor wittle Paladin a wittle gwumpy?" Oh he was glaring at me, and I knew it, despite the large metal bucket on his head. I couldn't help it. When I was in a bad mood, I lost control of my tongue. And sarcasm, well that was my copping mechanism. Danse would either learn to love it, or he'd kill me for it one day. I really wasn't sure which by the way that beast, clad in metal, just stood there.

I was about to open my mouth and say even more things that where likely to get me shot, when the snap of a dead branch caught my ear, and my head snapped to the side. To small to be another mutant, but to large to be a mongrel dog come to feed on the fresh corpses we made for them.

"Raiders," I heard the Paladin murmur, shoving a fresh cell into his rifle.

Nodding, I began walking backwards until I was hidden from the angle I had heard the sounds from. Once I was out of sight, I began to climb. Up the side of the caved in house we had made a stand by, and over to the dead tree that still stood proud, trying to shade the home that used to be here. I was getting really good at sneaking up into places I shouldn't be. Especially when such a large figure like the Paladin provided a nice distraction.

Danse, for his part, just stood his ground, watching the tree line as a dozen gunners leisurely emerged. Some carried rifles, while others held bats, circling like jackals around their prey. One of them kicked the corpse I had blown an extra hole in before fixing the man in power armor with his gaze.

"So you caused the big bang," called the man that seemed to be leading the little raiding party. "What's a member of the Brotherhood doing so far west. And all alone?"

The Paladin made no move, or reply. He merely watched the dozen gunners surround him, letting them think they had the advantage they believed they did. He was a very good distraction as I climbed down behind the leader of the group, silently dropping to the ground and pulling my pistol into my hands.

"Tell you what, big guy," called the leader again, a smug grin apparent in the sound of his voice, "get out of the armor, walk away, and we'll let you live."

"How kind," replied Danse, turning his head from one side to the other, checking the positions of the gunners spread out around him.

"I'm in a good mood today," the loud mouth said, shrugging slightly.

"I'm not," was all I said, cold metal of my gun to the back of his head as his fellows suddenly realized the Paladin was not alone.

One pull of the trigger latter, and the leader's head was nothing but a smattering a red, and I was running around the large tree I had come down from, just missed by a few stray shots. I could hear Danse's laser rifle in rapid succession as I rounded the tree and quickly squeezed out a few more shots. I wasn't as accurate as I would have liked, but one gunner took a hit to her knee, dropping her, while another lost three fingers. The paladin already killed four gunners and was rounding on his fifth when two of the cowards broke from their fellows and where vanishing back into the tree line at a full sprint.

Killing off the remaining mercenaries was a few more seconds of fire, and then utter silence. While I was panting from sprinting from cover to cover, Danse just leveled his weapon and scanned the area, like he hadn't even put in any effort into the fight. Not for the first time, his ability in battle impressed the shit out of me. It made me wonder how Nate would have done in this world. If his training would have made him a killing machine like Danse, or if he would simply end up a dedicated corpse on the forest floor like so many others.

Once he was certain it was clear, the Paladin pulled his helmet from his head and looked me up one side and down the other. After a few moments of a brutal raking by his eyes, he let out a deep breath, "You're fighting style is clumsy and dangerous."

"What?" I asked, more shocked he was picking this second to comment on my killing style then what he said.

"I understand you wanting to be light and quick on your feet, but you shouldn't have given yourself away before killing the gunner. It was reckless." I was honestly to shocked to say a damn thing. I just watched as the Paladin began pulling usable item's from the dead men and woman, crouching over one corpse before moving to the next. "And your aim could use some work."

Okay, now I was mad again. Killing things did have a calming affect, but his nitpicking undid all the zen I had found once the blood bath was over, "Excuse me and my lack of professional training in fire arms. Housewives really didn't learn to use a gun, so just be glad I hit anything, Paladin."

Danse stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me for a few seconds, "What's a housewife?"

I had forgotten the little fact that I am far older then any other living human and the housewife profession died out after the war. No one could afford to just stay home and play mom in this world. "Oh… well… It's a woman that gets married, has kids, and doesn't really go out into the world to make a living. She relies on her husband for everything her family needs."

"No woman dose that," commented the Paladin, staring at me like I had suddenly grown a second head. "Why would anyone want to?"

I suppose it did make no sense in this world. The closest anyone got to being a housewife was a clever raider's kid, whom just inherited caps and men. The kid would likely, latter, be killed because he was too weak to keep his parents power in check. You either fought, or you died out here. There where no other rules, no other way to live. It was a lesson I was still learning in a way.

With sigh, and an admission I would deny if he ever told anyone about it, I said, "You're right. I'm sorry. I'll… get better."

My words seemed to shock Danse because he dropped the rifle he had been emptying for ammo and just stared at me. Those eyes of his forced me to look away, so I missed it when he got to his feet and crossed the distance between us. "How old are you?" he asked suddenly.

My head snapped up to find him within arms reach, should I have had the urge to reach out and touch him. Glancing down, I rubbed the back of my head, "I'm not… really sure. At least 240."

"How?"

I couldn't look at him, "I was born… before the war. When the bombs fell, my family and I… we thought the vault would keep us safe. In a way, it did. But, not in the way I expected." The paladin was patient. He didn't fidget or push me to speak more. He just listened. Almost like he knew that's what I needed. "We were frozen, in cryo pods, until one day a man named Kellog showed up and took my son. Killing my husband to do it. Then he froze me again. I'm not really sure how long it's been since then… but at least a good 10 years passed before I woke up again. And I've been out here… in the Commonwealth for a little over a year."

I wanted to look up. To see what Danse thought of my story, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Flashes of Nate, and Shaun, and that man firing his gun just played over and over again in my head. I wanted to cry, but dug my nails into my palm instead. The pain was the only thing that could keep them from spilling, and I knew it.

"You look good," the Paladin said at last, having walked a few paces away and picking threw another body when my head snapped up. "For being 240 years old I mean."

* * *

Dusk was settling over the former Boston country side when Somerville Place came into view. It was one of my smaller, and more recent settlements, but it's location, just on the border of the glow, made it the most convenient place to rest for the night before heading out into that hell. The guards they had posted called out to us the moment we came into view, and the man I had placed in charge of the place came running out of his home to greet me.

"General, we… weren't expecting you."

"Relax friend," I said with a smile, trying to put the jittery man, I couldn't remember the name of, at ease. "We just need a place to hole up for the night before heading south."

"South?" he asked, trying to mask his unease at the sight of Danse in full armor. "There isn't anything but radiation to the south, General."

"I know, but I have things I need to do down in the glow. Would you be willing to put us up so we can rest before heading out?"

"Of course," the man said, I swear jumping like an excited child. "Anything for the General of the Minutemen." He ushered us towards his home with an excited wave of his hand, while babbling on about how the farm was doing. He talked about his son, something I tried not to look so sad about hearing, and then about some new people that had heard the beacon I put up. He talked about the new additions they where making to the house, as well as several other small matters that, truthfully, I really wasn't paying any attention to, "...and just the other day, we managed to bag ourselves a few Radsags, so we have plenty of meat to eat for a change..."

I nodded and smiled lightly, pretending to hear every word, but truth be told, I was still in a bit of a foul mood from the day's travel. Danse had made me feel a little better, with his kind words about how good I looked for my age, but it really didn't help in the grand scheme of things. It had just been one of those days, and I was still a little angry that these kinds of days happened. Mind you, a bad day before the war was my hair not sitting right, and my make-up refusing to go on properly. Where as in this world a bad day was, pick a fight with the escort, get teased by a friend, pick super mutant guts from your hair as you baked in the sun, all while drawing ever closer to a massive death field, filled with radiation, rad-scorpions, and deathclaws. The only consultation I had was that this whole thing would, eventually, bring Shaun back to me.

"Here's the main house," the leader of the small settlement continued, pushing aside his front door for us to pass. "We haven't had much of a chance to fix it up as much as we would have liked, but the work is progressing slowly but surely. I have a spare room just down this way," he added, flipping on a home-made light switch and allowing the darkness that was their added hallway to fade, "I'm afraid it's not much, in the way of comfort, but there is a large bed, and some freshly purified water. If you two get hungry, just mossy on back out here to the main sitting room and my wife'll fix you up somthin' to fill your bellies."

Pushing aside a make-shift door, badly put on its hinges, revealed to us just what the man promised. A small room, with two mattresses shoved together on an old wood frame that was starting to rot, but still holding its own. On the dresser someone scavenged where several canisters of purified water, clearly labeled so one wouldn't get confused. It was certainly not the prettiest space I had ever seen, but it had everything I needed, and I learned to be okay with that. Whining about the decay of the world wouldn't do me, or the poor man who talked to much, any good.

"Thank you," I said to the man, after giving the room a quick once over.

"Yes," agreed Danse, helmet no longer on his head but in his hands. "Much appreciated."

"Anytime General, anytime!" the excited man repeated, bowing like we where some kind of royalty. "Just remember if you get hungry to come on out and join us for dinner." And with that, the Paladin and I where left to ourselves.

With that pop and hiss that told me Danse was getting out of his armor, I placed my pack on the dresser, running my pale fingers threw the mess that was my red hair. There was still dried blood and bits of super mutant in it, I was sure. And compared to the Paladin, whom always looked so clean once out of his walking tank armor, I probably looked like hell, warmed over. I debated heading out into the main house and asking if anyone would be willing to draw me a bath, but thought better of it. Heating that much water over a cooking fire took far more time then etiquette would allow me to ask for.

When I turned to look at the bed, technically two pushed together, a crease formed in my brow. Sure, I didn't hate Danse, but sleeping with him, even in such an honest manor, wasn't really what I wanted to do. He still reminded far to much of Nate when I looked into those beautiful eyes of his, and if I rolled over, half asleep in the night, I was sure my body would do something I would regret. Even if it was only a cuddle, I didn't think Paladin's cuddled. And it would be awkward.

He didn't seem to mind in the least though, having taken a seat on the bed to begin tinkering with his armor. He was pulling bits of guts from the joints, and rubbing a cloth he kept tucked away along the Brotherhood paint so one would be able to see it. Say what you would for the organization, but it seemed to breed loyalty.

Again, I was rubbing the back of my head, trying to figure out how to say what I was thinking without sounding… like a whinny girl really. I was dirty, I was tired, and I wanted a bed to myself. But these where all just minor issues. I was in a safe place, relativity dry, with a perimeter guard posted on watch to warn me should any nasties show up, and hot food just down the hall to fill my belly. In the Commonwealth, this was luxury.

I had been lost in thought when I realized the Paladin had been talking to me, "Sorry, what did you say?"

"Getting distracted will get you killed, Winifred," he said instead, not bothering to repeat himself.

"Sorry, sorry," I apologized, still glaring at the bed like it had offended me. "I'm just… preoccupied."

Following my line of sight, which I hadn't bothered to hide, Danse looked down at the bed he was sitting on and then back at me, "Worried it wont hold our weight?"

"What? No, that's not… Just don't worry about it, okay." I really didn't feel like explaining my, rather foolish concerns, to the man.

That only seemed to confuse the Paladin more as he would glance at me, then at the bed, and then back at me, trying to figure out why I was glaring at the structure. A thought seemed to strike the man then, coloring his cheeks with the lightest of blushes. I honestly didn't think he could blush, "I won't… force myself on you."

"Whoa there!" I practically yelled out, now blushing myself, "That was not what I was thinking. I'm not worried you'll rape me Paladin."

"Then why the concern?" he asked, quickly recovering from his own embarrassment.

Oh boy, I did not not want to talk about this. I was digging threw my brain, trying to figure out what to say when the wife of the settlement leader called out to us, lightly knocking on the door, "Supper's ready, if you two are hungry."

"Thank you," I breathed out. Both excited at the prospect of food, and grateful to escape this line of questioning. I was out the door an instant latter, and down the hall. I didn't even bother to check if Danse was following me.

"General!" a nine year old boy called out the moment he saw me come into the main room, instantly causing my heart to clench. "Remember me? I'm Lawrence! You saved me from that super mutant!"

"I remember," I managed to force myself to say, using all manor of will power to plaster a smile on my face. It wasn't that I didn't like kids, they just reminded me of Shaun, and how he wasn't here. I avoided all manor of small humans, if I could, and had completely forgotten about his boy, until now. Had I remembered, I never would have left the room I was sharing with Danse. Awkward conversation or not.

"My arm is better," the small boy continued, having run up to me to show the scar off, "and the doctor you sent down here said there wasn't going to be any problems! A few more months and I'll be able to help out in the field again."

"That's..." I had to choke down the sob that threatened to overtake me at the thought of Shaun being hurt like that, "that's great."

I hadn't noticed the Paladin walking up behind me, and jumped slightly when his hand came down on my shoulder, "I'm sorry, young man, but the General needs her rest. Would you mind bringing me a couple plates and we'll eat in our room?"

"Sure!" the young boy said, flashing Danse a bright smile. He ran over to his mom and then returned with two steaming bowls in his hands, "It's stew! With chunks of tato, and radstag! It's really good!"

"Thank you," added the Paladin, balancing both bowls in one hand and pushing me slightly back down the hall with the other.

I sank onto the bed the moment we where back inside our room, my eyes just blankly regarding the floor. I was doing everything I could to keep from crying, while Danse set both bowls down on the scavenged dresser. He said nothing, until I suddenly punched myself in the leg hard enough to bruise it.

"Injuring yourself wont bring your boy back," he uttered, sinking into the bed next to me.

"No," I replied, thinking about the physical pain and not about Shaun, "but neither will crying like a child." Danse said nothing else, for which I was grateful, as I pinched myself in the arm, just to be sure I wouldn't start bawling.

"Here," he called, offering me the stew.

"Thanks," I murmured, taking the warm bowl in my hands and just absorbing the heat for a few moments. Memories swarmed behind my eyes, infant Shaun, loving Nate. Holding him when he was born, cuddling him long into the night before Nate got home. Just listening to his soft breathing as he slept. Falling asleep with Nate while we both held him between us.

I shook my head violently to banish the images, before pushing the bowl to my lips and sipping at the broth. It was rather tasty. You know, for mutated deer. I never really had a taste for venison, even before the bombs, but one learned to not be picky when the alternative was starvation.

When I finished eating, Danse took the bowl from me and stacked it with his own on the dresser, "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," I half laughed. I would likely never, truly, feel better. But for the moment, I wasn't about to crumble into a pile of sniveling female. I learned to be content with that. "Thanks."

I felt the Paladin sink back into place next to me. "Do you mind if I ask you something."

"I think you just did, but go ahead."

"What has you so worried? About the bed, I mean."

"Oh," I said, turning my head to the side to hide my blush.

"I promise I wont..."

"No! Danse, you're… not what I'm worried about," I cut in quickly, snapping my head back around. "Look… In my sleep, I'm… I don't really have any control. I scream, and trash and… I'm worried I might… cuddle you." The Paladin laughed at me. Actually laughed. I'd yet to see him do more then crack a half smile, so I was shocked speechless.

"Sorry," he managed to force out eventually, "I didn't mean to just, burst out like that. I've just never had anyone tell me they where scared to cuddle is all."

"Well I am, alright!" I said, half shouting due to embarrassment. My cheeks had lightly colored themselves pink at my admission, and his laughing at me did nothing to make the color fade. "You have Nate's eyes, so I'm worried I'll roll over, half asleep, take one look at you, and just throw my arm over you! Do Paladin's even cuddle?"

"Not normally," he said chuckling slightly, "but it has happened. I swear I won't flog you for insubordination."

"Well thank you," I replied mockingly, grateful he was at least making light of this. "It's nice to know I'll at least not get whipped for sleepy time cuddling."

"Get some rest, Winifred, we have a long journey in the morning."

I nodded my agreement as Danse pushed up from his place next to me to cross to the other side. I stretched at length before laying back into my own mattress.

It took less time then normal to banish all the depressing thoughts from my mind. I focused on the warm feeling in my belly from the stew, and the sensation of another body so close to my own, even if it was Danse. I drifted to sleep much faster then usual that night, sinking into different dreams then normal. Dreams of playing bored games with Nate, nursing Shaun, and laughing as Codsworth figured out how to operate a diaper.


	5. Chapter 4

The peaceful sleep I had blessedly drifted into didn't linger, and rest didn't find me that night. Every creak of the makeshift home, every twitch of the Paladin next to me roused me instantly, keeping any rest from finding me. Several hours into the night I finally gave up all together and tried, as softly as I could manage, to push myself from the home-made double bed.

"Can't sleep?" asked Danse in the dark, his form hidden from me since we blew out the candles hours before.

"It's rare when I can," I replied honestly, rubbing my face after giving up on trying to look him in the eye. "You can rest though, I wont leave without you."

"I find it hard to relax away from the brotherhood," he said, now pushing himself into a sitting position.

I nodded, even knowing he couldn't see me. I was tired from a day of hard fighting, but the fear I had of the nightmares that plagued me kept me from rest once again. I didn't want to see my old life, and I didn't want to see those I loved ripped from me once more.

With a large stretch I stood from the bed and began lighting the first candle in reach. With the small flickering I glanced over at my companion, sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed, once again shirtless. A flash of Nate rousing me from my sleep for the soul purpose of having sex so he could relax enough to rest ran threw my mind. Shirtless, and with soft kisses, he would start at my shoulder, work his way up to my neck, and when I was fully awake, begin descending lower. Warmth spread threw my body at the thought and I was forced to turn my head so Danse couldn't see the flush coloring of my cheeks.

My urge for physical pleasure only grew worse everyday since I stepped out of the vault. Preston almost got jumped by me once, my will power just managing to reign me in before I turned our friendship into something very different. My body craved the touch of another, thanks in part to just how sexual me and Nate had been, and the lack of human contact I had suffered being frozen. Time may not have meant anything to my mind, but my body seemed to know it had been ages, almost literally, since I was touched.

With a vicious shake of my head, I pulled my pistol harness from the dresser and secured it around myself. "I'm going outside for some air," was all the warning Danse got before I was out the door. I thought I heard him call out to me, but wasn't much interested in knowing what he had to say. Male body, close proximity, horny self spelled trouble. Escape before I made a mistake I couldn't take back was my only option.

The early, early morning air was crisp, and the only lights in the sky where the dotted stars, and some green streaks and flashes to the south, telling you just how close you where to death. The moon was no wear to be found that night, but it would likely rise just before dawn.

At night, I could almost forget that this wasn't my world. The stars still twinkled, the moon still arched it way across the sky, and the air still held that chill, telling you dawn had yet to arrive. Sunrise would come soon though, and just like that, I would know my world is gone. The lifeless trees, the brown grass like stuff the whipped in the breeze, it would all be there, screaming at me, saying I didn't belong.

The crunch of the ground had me flipped around with my gun drawn to eye level almost instantly. Danse didn't miss a beat though and just continued forward, almost arrogantly sure I wasn't going to shoot him, even with him lined up for a kill. He wasn't wearing his power armor, leaving his human body all to exposed and vulnerable.

With a snort, just glad he was now wearing a shirt, I pulled back my gun and holstered it once more, "Its not nice to sneak up on a girl."

"Had you not run from me like I was a monster there would have been no need," was his clipped reply.

I rolled my eyes, not particularly in the mood to explain myself, before once again turning my gaze south. The green streaks of lightning in the distance had my full attention. They where beautiful, but it was funny just how often something beautiful would kill you.

I felt, more then saw, the Paladin come a stop at my side, also watching the distant southern horizon. "When will we depart?" asked the Paladin, seeming to have picked this question over another by the tone of his voice.

"The instant dawn breaks," I replied, not turning to look at him, "It's to risky to move threw the glow in the dark, knowing as little as we do, even at the risk of getting seen at sunrise by something nasty. I will not die in a radiation field, not when I'm so close."

I could feel Danse looking at me, but I didn't return the glance. It remained that way for several long moments. Me staring at the horizon and the Paladin staring at me. I didn't know if the man, or the terrain to come unnerved me more. When I couldn't take it anymore, I turned my head to look at the soldier, a chastising remark on the tip of my tongue, when I felt his hand, brush aside a few strands of my hair that had pulled free from the ponytail I always kept it in. The sudden physical contact shocked me into silence, leaving me standing there with my mouth slightly open his eyes focused on my face, fingertips lightly brushing my cheek.

Reality seemed to kick back in then as the Palidin's eyes met my own, and his hand dropped slowly back to his side. "I… apologize," he said after a brief silence, his eyes darting to the ground for a moment. Danse offered no more explanation as he turned on his heel and headed back inside the dwelling.

I stood there, with my mouth hanging wide open, one palm pressed to the check that man had been touching, at an utter loss for words. I had no idea what he could have been thinking, or even what I should be thinking. Such a gentile brush of fingers from a man so hardened by combat was… very unexpected…

We spent the rest of the morning in utter silence, grabbing our gear, eating our breakfast, and without one word, heading out into the glow. I had switched from my normal armor to the hazmat suite, knowing it wouldn't keep me completely rad free, but would go a long way in keeping me alive, and it wasn't long until the trek south was filled with the clicking of my Geiger counter.

The whole day we spent in utter silence. I wanted to ask him what he was doing that morning, but couldn't bring myself to utter a word, and with that bucket on the man's head since the incident I had not even the faintest idea what he was thinking.

By the third pack of rad scorpions killed, the silence was eating at me, and I could no longer take it. I was a character that required noise, and studied to make a living off of talk, so without an inch of thought behind my words I just blurted out the question licking at my brain the whole day, "What the hell was that?"

"What?" inquired the Paladin, either playing dumb, or honestly confused given the amount of time that had passed between now and the matter I was asking about.

"This morning?" I continued, now to far gone to pull back now. I needed to know just what the hell he had been doing… touching me like that.

The Paladin, with that damned bucket on his head, turned to regard me, his face, and thoughts, hidden from view. He just stood there for several long seconds, me only knowing he was looking at me because the eyes holes of his bucket where pointed right at me.

"Well?" I pretty much yelled, the near fishbowl on my head probably hiding my thoughts from him as his helmet hid his form me.

"You looked soft."

Whatever answer I was expecting, that wasn't it. My mouth was hanging open, not that Danse could see it, "What?"

"You looked… soft… smooth… Most women are covered in scars, their skin coarse from hard living… You looked… flawless..."

We both just stood their motionless and in silence for a few extra moments. I had no idea what to think, and no idea what he himself was thinking. I thought my skin looked terrible and rough, the last year of my life adding far more years to the look of my skin.

"I apologize for overstepping my bounds," called the Paladin, drawing my attention back to the here and now, and not the lingering warmth from his fingers I could suddenly feel again. "I just wanted to know if you felt as soft as you looked."

I really didn't know if that was a compliment or not, and before I could decide if I wanted to ask, Danse had turned away and was once again moving toward our objective. After a quick head shake, trying to banish the desire to ask more from the man from my head, I sprinted after him, taking the lead once more as I had the maps. We still had a long way to go threw this irradiated nightmare, and no more time to spend on such pointless things.

Besides, I decided he meant it in and oddity way. Like I was some weird creature that he just had to examine. Kinda the way I was when I saw my first radroach. Sometimes you just needed to poke the thing to see if it really was as it appeared. Yeah… just some freak of nature. That's what I was.

We had elapsed into utter silence again, careful to scan the horizon and keep mental track of where we where. A matter of hours latter saw the day starting to dim. Night seemed to fall much faster in this irradiated hell then it did everywhere else. With a quick scan of the maps I had entered into my pip boy, I guided the Paladin to a small series of tunnels, deciding they would likely be our best bet for protection threw the night. The deeper we climbed into the tunnels, the less clicking my Geiger counter made, until it was all but silent.

I had just about chalked this place up to a haven when I was suddenly yanked back into the chest of the paladin, his helmeted head as close to my own in its encasing as possible. "Listen," he whispered, the air filters in his suite diluting the sound slightly.

Sure enough, there it was. The sound of heavy footfalls, and almost snarling sounding breathing. I had walked the pair of us right into a deathclaw den.

"Shit," I murmured under my breath. Fighting a deathclaw was a gamble, fighting one in close quarters was suicide.

Almost as if reading my mind, the Paladin began to take small, soft steps backwards, pulling me with him, but it was too late. We had descended too far into the tunnels to make it out before the beast noticed us, and we both knew it. It was only a yard or two back the way we came by the time we heard the howl of the beast, and its four legged sprint for us.

Before I had any ideas about what to do, I felt my body lifted and then tossed back from where we came. "Run!" yelled Danse, leveling his rifle. Due to the hulking frame of the paladin I couldn't see the deathclaw, but by the way he began shooting I knew it had come into the man's view.

Panic began tugging at me then. I was slowly pushing to knees, just staring wide eyed at the Paladin's back when the deathclaw full on tackled him, the two of them falling to the cave floor just in front of me. Every instinct in me told me to run but for the life of me I could not make myself move. I couldn't even form a coherent thought.

A groan of pain ripped from Danse as the beast manged to yank a piece of his chest armor free, trying to dig in to the soft flesh beneath. It hit me then. If I didn't do something the Paladin would die. And after watching my husband die before my eyes, unable to do anything but pound on the glass, I've never been able to just stand there again.

Still without a single thought in my head, I pushed up from my knees, yanked free my shot gun, and charged the beast. I didn't weigh much, but my slamming into the beast managed to just lodge it free of Danse. I had just enough time to pull the trigger, before I turned and ran, the monster hot on my heels.

I could hear the Paladin yelling after me, but I didn't have time to care what he was even saying.

At speeds I didn't know I was capable off, I ran back threw the tunnels and broke onto the surface, just jumping to the left in time to dodge one massive swipe of claws. I had no armor and I knew even one hit would end my trip threw the glow. The beast let out a howl I could only guess to mean it was angry, as I continued to run, trying to get to slightly higher ground. It didn't take long for the deathclaw to follow.

I pulled my leg up a large boulder just in time to miss yet another swipe of massive claws. Turning around I fired as many shots as I could manage at the beast. I knew their belly was their weak spot, but from above I had no real way to hit it, so its head was my target.

A strained noise I had never heard before ripped from the beast as its head dropped to the side for a moment. When it lifted its head once more I saw the damage I had done, one eye gone and only a bloody socket remaining.

This seemed to only anger the beast as it began to climb, faster then I had, using it's claws to dig into the rock to pull itself up quicker. Behind me was a sharp drop a little to far to be safe to jump. I was running out of room and I knew it. I was also stuck reloading, as it always seemed to need to happen at the worse possible moment. My hands where shaking terribly, making it nearly impossible for me to fit the shells into the instrument.

Just as the deathclaws head came into biting range metal hands reached around its head, grabbing hold. I could hear both the strain of man and machine and with a loud yell of effort the head of the beast was yanked sharply, and quickly to the right, followed by a loud snap.

With a thud the beast and the Paladin fell to the ground, beast on top. I was out of breath, near hyperventilating, and could do nothing but stay in my crouched position, hands still shacking, clutching my shells as I stared down at the tangle of metal and monster.

When the bests body jerked, I snapped my shotgun back together, locking in the few shells I had managed to load raising it to my eye level. Danse was sitting up slowly, pushing the beast to his side, just enough that he could climb out from under it. It took my rattled brain a few seconds longer then I would like to admit to realize the dead deathclaw had only jerked because it was being moved by the paladin.

I just stared down at Danse as he slowly made his way back to his feet, his power armor making it a bit more of a chore then it normally would be. The moment he was back to his feet, those almost glowing eyes of the helmet locked on me, "What the hell where you thinking?" he nearly yelled, anger very audible in his voice.

Sill recovering from the large dose of adrenaline, I stared at him wide eyed, "What?"

In one step and reach motion, the Palladin had a grip on my leg and yanked me down from the rock I had climbed up on, pulling me to his own form, "What is wrong with you? Do you have a death wish?"

Helmet to helmet with the far larger figure, my mind began to start up again, "What the hell are you so mad about? I saved your life!"

"No you didn't," was his clipped reply as he seemed to finish doing, whatever it was he was doing while holding me, and set me down in front of him, "You needlessly risked your life when I ordered you to run!"

Anger slowly seeped into my being, "Ordered me?" I repeated. "I'm not one of your subordinates! I don't take orders from you! And I saved your life! That deathclaw was ripping right into your chest! Had I left like you wanted, you'd be dead, and me not long after, so you can just shut the hell up!"

I could hear the man growl in agitation. Ducking around his hulking frame, I pulled back up my pip boy, scanning the map once more. The sun had almost fully set and we definitely needed to find somewhere different to bunker down. As I scanned the horizon, trying to mentally match the map to the terrain, I had to do a quick double take to decide what I was looking at. "Is that..." I began, trailing off as I began walking forward, not bothering to check if the stubborn Paladin was following.

Sure enough I was right, a crashed vertibird was sticking out of a dune, almost fully buried. When I drew close enough, a small beep from my pip boy told me I had picked up a signal. Tuning in, it turned out to be an old distress signal. Pre-war or post, I couldn't be sure, but the male voice talked about being inside a cave not to far from here, and judging by the signal I knew he wasn't talking about the deathclaw tunnels.

Without a word, I headed toward the signal, allowing it to guide me. Soon I led Danse to the opening of a small cave, buried slightly under the waves of sand. The paladin pushed his way in front of me then, moving to check the caves for unwanted wild life, while I moved closer to the corpse broadcasting the message. It was not but torn tattered cloth that had once been clothes and bones, indicating the man had been dead for a very long time. Rescue had never come.

As I keeled over the body to turn of the beacon the Paladin returned to my position, checking the Geiger counter on his suite, before pulling off his helmet. While this cave wasn't rad free, it was a far lower concentration, and safe enough to take off your helmet so one could sleep, somewhat well. A dose of radaway would be needed in the morning, but sleeping in a fish bowl was near impossible.

Pulling off my own helmet, I glanced in Danse's direction, scanning the damage to his chest piece. It would need some work, but still seemed to be holding together, and his skin wasn't visible, meaning he wasn't getting to bad a leak. Grabbing my pack, I dug around for a few seconds before tossing the tall figure some radaway, still a little to angry to talk to him, before taking one and injecting myself. The hazmat suite was definitely helping, but it didn't keep 100% of the rads at bay.

Out of almost no where, the Paladin pulled me closer to him, using his legs to pin me down. "What the fuck?" I squealed, trying to warm away.

With his left hand the man held me still, "Shut up," he growled, reaching down with his other hand to roam over the side of my abdomen. "You tore threw it," he added, still holding me still but switching hands so his right hand covered the hole, using his left hand to drag over my bag.

I was turning redder and redder by the second, trying to push the very heavy figure off of me, futilely, kicking my legs in the process. "I can fix it myself!" I fussed, as he ignored me, dumping the contents of my bag on the ground. "Let me go!"

He continued to ignore me, pulling some duct tape from the mess, and ripping free a strip with his teeth. I knew this shouldn't be turning me on, I knew I should be furious, getting man handled the way he was doing, but the more he touched me, the more I didn't want him to stop. Using his right hand, he pinched together the material that had been ripped apart, and with the tape, he pulled the pieces together, sure that the material, designed to protect against rads was fully covering the gap. With two more strips, he secured the hole, ensuring I would be covered.

Once he was finished, my arms trying to push him away, he grabbed both my appendages, pinning them above my head. He leaned down next, as close as his armor would allow, looking me dead in the eye, "Next time I say run," he growled, voice low and rumbling, doing things to me I would rather die then admit, "you run."

I was very grateful the cave was fairly dark so he couldn't see the warmth I could feel in my cheeks. The words that slipped from my mouth next was proof that the filter I had worked hard to farm between my brain and my mouth was utterly gone, "Make me."

"Don't challenge me, Winifred," he warned in that low rumble. I almost thought I heard something familiar in the tone, something I had forgotten the sound of, but something I knew, and liked.

All at once, he was off of me, faster then he had put me in this position. I hated his missing form almost more then I hated him pinning me down in the first place. I didn't know what I wanted to say, or what should even be said, so I just growled, pushing my way off the cave floor, and began stuffing the contents of my pack, scattered everywhere, back where they belong.

My head was reeling, running a hundred different ways at once. I had no idea what really just happened, and no idea what I should even think about it. I knew Danse was stronger then me, I knew he was bigger then me, but you'd be hard pressed to find anything, including some of the insects, out in the commonwealth that weren't bigger then me. I made a living, in this new world, out of killing things bigger then myself. But I had never, since before I lost Nate, been dominated by anyone. Almost everyone I met bowed to my authority, or handed me the reigns. I was the general of the Minutemen, and people recognized. I had no idea if I should like the feeling of not being in charge or resent it.

The Paladin had fallen into a deep quiet, finding a comfortable place to sit on the opposite corner of the cave from myself. I didn't know how to take that either, considering how close he had been just a few minuets before. He was so… unpredictable. I could tell he was used to giving or following orders, and apparently being stuck with me, someone with authority outside his own organization, was throwing him for a loop. Neither of us was truly in charge of the other, and that lack of structure seemed to be eating at him.

I opened my mouth to say something, but slammed it shut not long after, realizing I had no idea what to say. Both of us where right, and both of us where wrong. I was right not to leave him to his death, but he was right about me needing to run. His armor made taking on the deathclaw much more a realistic goal then my flimsy suite.

After a long tense silence, I let out a small sigh and settled into my own corner. I didn't know what he wanted me to say, or if he even wanted me to speak, which was good cause I didn't know what to say. We passed the rest of the night in silence until both of us drifted off into some semblance of sleep.

 _[AN: Sorry my lovely readers for taking so long to update. I had a baby not to long ago and have received a promotion at work so finding time for me to do my own thing has been a bit of a challenge. For those of you whom have stuck with me, thank you very much. I apologize, once again, for the long delay. I will try to update regularly, but with my life in the chaos that it's in, I have no real idea when the next update will be. I hope you enjoyed, and as always, please review. They're my bread and butter.]_


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